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Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries is a weekly podcast hosted by Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW, author of Moving Beyond Betrayal and Creatrix of The Radiant Threefold Path. Beyond Bitchy dispels the common misperception that boundaries are selfish, rigid, and controlling, and offers a fresh vision of personal limits as a source of freedom and liberation. Get expert information about how to identify, create, and establish effective personal and relationship boundaries so that you can ...
 
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When you get triggered, is the person who you got triggered by responsible? And what does this have to do with boundaries? Today’s episode will dig into these important questions. If you’re a long-time listener, you may have guessed that triggers are related to the listening boundary, which is the most difficult of the four primary boundaries. Tune…
 
Happy Thanksgiving! This episode is coming out just in time to help you navigate the complexities of holidays in the time of COVID-19 (although the points about safety are always relevant). As we explore this new complex landscape, let's take some time to talk about boundaries, agreements, and the freedom to choose. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #…
 
Lately, have you noticed a sense of collective exhaustion, sadness, and impatience? Right now, it may feel like there’s not a lot to celebrate. This is especially true with the holidays coming up, since they're going to look much different than usual this year. With everything going on, you might feel like you want to quit, because what’s the point…
 
Have you ever disliked the spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, or date of someone you’re close to? Or wondered what your friend or relative sees in that person? Most of us have been there, struggling to understand how someone we care about can fall for (or even seem bewitched by) someone who we find deeply off-putting. Tune in to learn some important …
 
If you’ve ever gotten into an argument with someone else about the reality of a certain situation, or what “really happened,” this episode is for you. The fact is that your reality is what is true for you in the moment, and someone else having a different reality doesn’t mean that yours, or theirs, is either “correct” or “wrong.” Tune in to learn w…
 
I’ve definitely felt left out, forgotten, or excluded… and I’m guessing you have, too. This episode, which was inspired by a listener’s question, is about what to do when you feel that way. I’ll do things a little differently this time! Using the question as a foundation, I’ll walk you through the 5-Step Boundary Solution Process. (Follow along wit…
 
The reality is that we violate other people’s boundaries all the time, and tell ourselves that we have a right to do it. But is that true? Is it ever okay to violate someone else’s boundaries? You may already know the answer as soon as you hear the question, but there are a lot of nuances to this complex topic, so we’ll take a deep dive into it. Bi…
 
We’ve all been there: you’ve said “yes” to something, and then later changed your mind or realized that it’s not a fit for you. So what do you do? Are you obligated to follow through with your initial answer, or are you allowed to change your mind? (If you’ve read the title of the episode, you already know the answer!) Let’s talk about how to handl…
 
So many people struggle to speak up or make a request to get their needs or wants met, so I tell you all the time that you can ask anyone for anything. But just as you have the freedom to ask, the other person has the freedom to say “no” if they so choose. (They can also say “yes” or negotiate a different agreement with you.) An email I received re…
 
Have you ever felt disrespected by what someone chose to wear (or not wear) around you, your romantic partner, or other loved ones? And what should you do when someone else’s attire makes you feel uncomfortable? The sometimes-difficult truth is that you don’t control what other people wear, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have any options. Tune in …
 
Almost all of us are struggling with the new landscape of our jobs right now. And in this sudden reality of working from home, it can be a challenge to set healthy work boundaries. Without the separation between home and office, you might be finding yourself working longer hours or feeling like you’re constantly on call. Tune in to learn how to est…
 
If you’ve started using boundaries to try to control other people, congratulations! Your boundary skills are likely improving, and you have some knowledge of boundaries. That’s the good news. Now, the bad news: using boundaries to control isn’t a relational strategy, and leads to a loss of intimacy and connection. Plus, when we use boundaries to co…
 
One of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries is that they’re harsh, rigid, or mean, and that they damage intimacy. In fact, boundaries can absolutely be expressed in a gentle way. And that’s exactly what I’m going to talk about in detail today! I’ll share six easy and specific ways that you can express a limit gently. Biggest Takeaways From E…
 
Women, do you fully understand the difference between making a request and expressing a desire? The concept of expressing a desire as an alternative to making a request is a relatively new one for me, and I want to explore it with you in depth today. I’ll give you some guidelines and suggestions that will help you understand both and learn to use w…
 
Has someone close to you made the decision not to wear a face mask? I experienced this recently, and I know that many of you have faced this issue as well. Today’s episode is dedicated to the topic. To help you understand how you can respond to this situation, I’ll walk you through exactly what I did and said, how it turned out, and the choices you…
 
I’m so grateful, amazed, and happy to be here releasing episode #100 of the podcast! And I’m truly humbled by some of the responses I’ve received, and the impact this podcast has had on listeners. Let’s celebrate by looking back on how all this came to be, and exploring some powerful concepts around quality over quantity and creating transformation…
 
Can you believe that next week will already be Episode #100? Wow! Stay tuned for something special. But for now, let’s talk about a topic inspired by the listener questions archive. Even if you love to get up close and personal with others, there has probably been a time when you wanted someone to just back off and give you space. And yes, this eve…
 
It’s important to speak your authentic truth, but that doesn’t mean you should do so blindly or recklessly. Today, I want to share seven questions to ask yourself before sharing your authentic truth with someone else to get clarity and ensure that you’re doing it in a relational way. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #98: It isn’t always easy to share…
 
Last week’s episode was a marathon, so I'm going to balance it out this week with a quick tips episode. This one was inspired by a listener’s question that came from a miscommunication around something I said about children having the right to choose their friends. The miscommunication brings up a broader point about checking things out, which I wa…
 
This special episode is a little different than usual! Last week, I did a live call to answer the massive backlog of listener questions from the podcast, and this episode is a recording of that call. If you’ve ever submitted a question, tune in since I might have answered yours directly. And if you haven’t, I’m going over such a broad range of ques…
 
From time to time, everyone struggles with biting the bait. And usually the people we feel most baited by are the people we care about the most. But there’s really no benefit to biting the bait, especially if we want to stay connected. Today, I’ll dig into what exactly bait is, and share 11 ways to avoid biting it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #9…
 
This is a scary time. So many of us are dealing with fear about what’s happening and what may happen, as well as not knowing what’s going to happen or what the future will look like. So let’s talk about something uplifting, forward-thinking, and expansive, that will stretch us beyond our limited mindset, beliefs, or fears. How far can you go? Bigge…
 
Right now, in the United States, trauma is speaking. Prejudice and racism wounds, and are potentially traumatizing to anyone who experiences them. But listening to another person’s trauma is a challenging thing to do, especially if we perceive that we may have played a part in their experience — even when remaining silent or looking away. Let’s tal…
 
The title may be wishful thinking, but I want to make a case for it! Boundaries are about protection, and in boundaries terms, wearing a face mask is about protecting other people. I want to dig into this today, and talk about wearing a mask as an act of compassion, courage, honor, strength, and patriotism. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #92: Two f…
 
Last week, I had a totally new realization about a new boundaries framework. I stumbled on another way to conceptualize the way we experience boundaries or limits, and that’s what I want to share with you today. This is all about the hierarchy of boundaries, and whether or not boundaries are optional. Do some of us get a pass on boundaries, or get …
 
How do you stop or change thoughts that harm you? This time of uncertainty, vocational insecurity, job loss, and other upheavals is the perfect opportunity to explore being more aware of our thinking, and how our thoughts impact our emotions (and our lives). Let’s talk about seven ways you can turn around unproductive or harmful thoughts. Biggest T…
 
The challenges around structure, limit-setting, and boundaries are continuing throughout the coronavirus situation, so this is another of what I’m calling “The Pandemic Episodes.” What does life look like if it stays the same for many months — or years — to come? When one day blurs into another, it’s so easy to fall into bad habits. Grab a pen and …
 
I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy during this pandemic. A few weeks ago, when I did my first episode about COVID-19, I thought that would be my only episode on the topic. But here I am doing Part 3, because things continue to shift and change. This one will be a bit different than usual, with more of a hodgepodge of random thought…
 
A couple of episodes ago, I talked about how the pandemic is giving all of us a master class in the way boundaries work. Since then, it’s become clear that those weren’t the only lessons we can be learning. Today, I’ll dig into several more lessons we can learn, and talk about how they relate to fundamental principles of personal and relationship b…
 
During this global pandemic, options for having fun have been whittled away for most of us. This got me to thinking about the intersection of boundaries and fun, and that's what we're going to explore together today! I’ll share five ways to have fun with boundaries, and I hope you’ll come up with your own examples too. Biggest Takeaways From Episod…
 
I hope you are safe, well, and healthy during these uncertain and frightening times. We’re all making adjustments, but I’m profoundly grateful to have my health and to be here to talk to you today. Instead of sticking with my planned topic, let’s take this time to reflect on five specific lessons of the master class that this virus is giving all of…
 
I'll be taking the next few weeks off from the podcast to get moved into my new home — so excited! This is a perfect example of what it looks like to be kind to yourself, which is what this Quick Tips episode is all about. Learn why self-kindness is so important, how you can figure out the best way to be kind to yourself, and what all of this has t…
 
How do you feel about not having clarity or answers, or not knowing what to do next? Most of us (including me!) don’t like the feeling. But as hard as it is, I want to make the case for uncertainty as a distinct state in its own right, with its own unique brand of clarity. Tune in to learn how to accept uncertainty as a predictable — yet frustratin…
 
A lot of listener questions I get have embedded expectations in them. And while not all expectations are bad, they can definitely get us into trouble. Valentine’s Day is a great example of this. You may be expecting your partner to give you flowers or show up for you in a certain way, but unless you’ve expressed this to your partner or you're not w…
 
As surprising as it may sound, you shouldn’t tailor your boundary work to the diagnosis of a loved one. Working with hundreds of women over the years, I’ve found that women tend to be more focused on trying to figure out their loved one's conditions and diagnoses, and that's why I’m dedicating this episode to women. In this episode you'll learn why…
 
Have you ever considered how your boundaries may impact how successful you are professionally? I’ve always been interested in the intersection of boundaries and business, but I’ve been digging even deeper into the topic recently as I’ve added a few people to my team. Inspired by what I've observed during this process, I'm excited to share today six…
 
There’s a simple reason that this episode on what's in our circle of control is a quick tips episode: our circle of control is pretty tiny! But confusion about what’s inside and outside of that circle is at the heart of many questions I get from listeners so the topic is worth reviewing. Tune in to learn how to stay in your own lane, and what to as…
 
When you get triggered, is the person who you got triggered by responsible? And what does this have to do with boundaries? Today’s episode will dig into these important questions. If you’re a long-time listener, you may have guessed that triggers are related to the listening boundary, which is the most difficult of the four primary boundaries. Tune…
 
There’s nothing wrong with wanting more, as long as what you want more of brings you more happiness, connection, abundance, satisfaction, and love. (Not more drama, pain, or junk food!) But most of us have a habit of saying and doing things that actually accomplish the exact opposite. Today, you’ll learn the secrets to turning that around and respo…
 
You’re probably familiar with the idea that it’s better to give than to receive, but is it true? With the holidays coming up soon, it’s time to explore the important topic of balancing giving and receiving. Many of us are hungry to receive attention, compliments, love, and affection, but still struggle with accepting them. Tune into this episode to…
 
Let’s talk about mothers-in-law! Even though boundaries and rules work the same way across all adult relationships, there’s a tendency to forget this with our parents and our in-laws (especially mothers-in-law). That’s why this episode is dedicated to the often-complicated relationship with mothers-in-law. If you’ve ever felt slighted by your mothe…
 
Here in the US, we’re officially in the holiday season! But do you feel like the abundance of opportunities to spend time with people are actually stressful obligations? You may find yourself in a reactive (rather than responsive) mode, or feeling triggered or baited. I’d like to give you eight phrases that you can pull out to help you get through …
 
As you’ll hear in my voice, I’ve been under the weather lately. This quick tips episode is partially inspired by my recent experiences while sick, when I’ve had plenty of opportunities to say “I can’t.” As you’ll learn today, expressing your “I can’t” is the best choice not only for you, but also everyone who you want to have a close, intimate rela…
 
Have you ever thought that boundary work is different with loved ones? If so, this episode is for you! Even in my own family, some people expected family members to do certain things that they would never expect from anyone else, just because we were family. Today’s episode will dig into whether there are different rules for boundaries with family …
 
While this episode is about men, it’s actually intended for women, and addresses a common dynamic between the genders. I’ll dig into how a common desire among women can come across to men as pressure or control, and cause them to go into their "cave." Tune in to learn why it’s so important to let your man go to his cave when he needs to! And if you…
 
Knowing the two types of self-care and practicing both is good for you and everyone around you! Tune in and learn the two types of self-care, why you may be challenged around meeting your self-care needs and how to hold yourself accountable for practicing good self-care. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #70: There are two types of self-care: self-car…
 
Have you gotten into a habit of answering questions that haven't even been asked? It's easy to do, especially when you can tell that the other person is feeling insecure, fearful, or potentially angry with you. Tune in and learn how to recognize statements that seem like questions and why you should avoid answering. Plus, tips on how to do that whi…
 
Have you ever felt pressured to give to another person — your time, money, or something material? Giving is a boundary issue, and you hold the power to choose to give or to not give. Choosing wisely keeps you resentment free. Tune in and learn how it works! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #68: Giving and receiving come both come from a place of abun…
 
Has anyone ever told you that you were being unreasonable or that you made an unreasonable request? It's a common argument, with a simple resolution. In today's episode Vicki talks about why unreasonable is in the eye of the beholder, and how you can avoid arguing about whether or not something is unreasonable. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #67: W…
 
Its that time again the first episode of the month, the one that is dedicated to women and boundaries. Are you friends with someone who is draining you? Do they make you tired because they won’t stop talking? Vicki is going to give us some simple strategies to distance yourself to stop the madness. Vicki shares with us the consequences of allowing …
 
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