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Here at the Growth Marriage podcast, we believe every couple can have amazing communication, deep connection, and passionate, knock-your-socks-off love. Back in 2012 I quit my fancy corporate job, sold everything I owned, and started traveling the United States with the goal of uncovering the secrets to truly epic love. I’ve been trained by the world’s top experts, researchers, and authors - and I’ve interviewed the most incredible couples on the planet. And now my only focus is sharing the ...
 
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show series
 
I talk to couples every single day about their relationships. When I ask them what their biggest struggle is, 9/10 of ten they say, “Communication!” “We keep having the same fights over and over again.” “My partner just gets so defensive. We literally can’t talk about anything.” “We just don’t give each other the benefit of the doubt anymore.” Most…
 
Is your husband more interested in video games, work, or sports than you? Do you feel like he’s checked-out? Has he stopped caring about your marriage? Are you trying to think of ways to convince him to go to therapy? Do you wonder why he doesn’t seem to care about your happiness or your marriage? Do you ever feel rejected, hurt, sad, abandoned, af…
 
What’s the most productive day you’ve had in recent memory? Do you remember it? You woke up, and just SLAYED your to-do list… You got into a rhythm, your energy was high, and everything was just clicking… I had a day like that a few weeks ago. Folded the laundry. Did the dishes. Mopped the floor. Took care of baby. Then I sat down to take a break. …
 
Most people’s marriages get worse over time. They argue more. They laugh less. They are more easily annoyed with each other. Their sex life suffers. And they gradually reach a point of status-quo. They know that their marriage isn’t great, but it’s comfortable and predictable enough that they refuse to upset things. And weirdly, there’s a law of th…
 
About once a week I get a message from someone asking what to do about porn... Here's how it usually plays out. (Not always... but usually.) Husband secretly watches porn. He's been doing it off-and-on for a while. Often times it's when he's feeling lonely, stressed, overwhelmed, or depressed... He hates himself for it because it's against his valu…
 
I’ve been listening to a 35-hour lecture series called “” by Dr. Jordan Peterson, an author and psychology professor. The lectures are an exploration of the psychological principles and ideas that give meaning to life. A few weeks ago I was driving home from the hardware store in a rain storm with a friend of mine. We were listening to the last few…
 
I have a confession to make… My marriage has slipped into Roommate Syndrome. I could blame it on a lot of things: My wife surprised me with an announcement last year that she was pregnant… which was AWESOME! But it also meant that the next few months were full of nausea, exhaustion, and weird food aversions, which made date night hard. Then COVID h…
 
“My husband is just an extra child I have to take care of.” “I feel more like his maid than his lover.” “If I don’t take care of everything, nothing would ever get done around here.” These are the types of statements I hear from “Overfunctioners.” What’s an Overfunctioner? Ultimately, it’s one way you might manage your anxiety. We all do it from ti…
 
This week I listened to a podcast featuring a guy named Richie Norton as the guest. In his mid-20's he was invited by Stephen M. R. Covey (son of Stephen R. Covey… the 7 Habits guy) to help train business professionals to be better leaders. When he was offered the opportunity he freaked out. He felt too young and inexperienced for the gig. “You wan…
 
I’m sick of seeing so many couples and friends be completely lied to by their therapists. So, I figured it’s finally time to lay out some seriously-needed education. Therapists are the people we trust with our deepest, darkest, most personal and oftentimes shameful secrets. They’re supposed to help us navigate the most turbulent and challenging tim…
 
Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy designed to make the practitioner more resilient, happier, more virtuous, courageous, and wise. Some of history’s greatest leaders were Stoics: Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, George Washington, Theodore Roosevelst, and more recently, people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Brady, Bill Clinton, and prominent au…
 
Have you ever had “Soul Talk?” You know what I’m talking about… Soul Talk is when you have a deeply connecting connection with someone. None of the superficial small talk… No discussing the weather, or how to get billy to soccer practice. None of that, “How was your day?” “Fine… how was yours?” stuff… Soul Talk is when you learn about someone’s pas…
 
Changing human behavior is typically really hard. Don’t believe me? What percentage of people who made a New Year’s resolution to hit the gym and get in shape are still committed to it 4 weeks later? Not many. Because it’s HARD to change a lifetime of habits - like the time you wake up, the way you fold your socks, how you brush your teeth, or how …
 
The cost of your marriage license (depending on where you live) was probably around $40. The average cost of a wedding in the US last year was over $35,000. If you were to get divorced today, the cost would likely be around $15,000. Lots of people - including the government, dressmakers, photographers and lawyers - are out there trying to tell you …
 
last night our oven caught on fire! Something had spilled in there and made a mess. My wife (being the incredible partner that she is) was cleaning it up. She had turned the oven up to like 500 degrees.I walked in and saw smoke coming out of it and said, "Is there supposed to be smoke coming out of there?" "Uhhhh, nope," she responded. I opened the…
 
In May of 2015, Pablo Picasso’s painting Les femmes d’Alger sold at auction for $179.4 million. Until recently it was the highest price ever paid for a painting. Guess how much time Picasso spent painting this work of art? Oh… about a day. In his lifetime, it’s estimated that Picasso created roughly 50,000 works of art. That’s nearly 2 pieces every…
 
Did you brush your teeth this morning? My guess is that you did... at least I hope so. You've probably brushed your teeth almost every day of your life since you had teeth. It's a pretty logical thing to do. It prevents cavities, bad breath and gum disease (obviously) as well as a bunch of other great health benefits like preventing heart disease, …
 
Some people think that to have a good marriage you have to get really good at letting the little things go. They think a good partner will look past the minor dysfunctions that show up in marriage. You just gotta ignore the little hurts that get inflicted over time. I mean, what good is marriage if you’re constantly talking about stuff that isn’t w…
 
People frequently complain to me about their marriages. They tell me secrets they would NEVER tell anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. (If you’re unhappy in your marriage, and you reach out to me, that means we’re moving in the right direction.) Today I want to share with you an important pattern I’ve noticed during these with hundreds of f…
 
Do you feel like the closer you try to get to your partner, the more they pull away? Maybe you feel like no matter what you do, your partner won't open up to you, they dismiss your needs and feelings, and things just get swept under the rug? Or... Maybe you feel like you're always failing. No matter what you do, or how hard you try, it's never enou…
 
Have you sat on the toilet playing Candy Crush until your phone battery dies, and then though, “What the heck am I doing? Or maybe you spent an entire day laying on the couch in a heap watching The Office… when then you notice the sun has set, and you’re still wearing your pajamas. You’ve wasted the entire day. And then you tell yourself, “I deserv…
 
Wanna hear some of the worst relationship advice I’ve ever heard? “If you prioritize your partner’s needs, and they prioritize your needs, your marriage will go well.” *Hnnnnnnggggh!* Sorry, that was the sound of me having an anger-aneurysm... This advice a recipe for disaster. Keep reading if you want to understand why. Here’s something I’ve seen …
 
Do you think your husband is a narcissist? When you first met him, he was extremely likable. He was charismatic, charming, and flirtatious. Everyone who met him immediately liked him… and you felt like the luckiest girl in the world that he chose you. Then, over time, things started to change. You started to notice that most of your conversations r…
 
I hate working out… My lungs burn. Sometimes I feel like puking. And the next day I’m sore. ...But I love the results of a strong body. I hate cleaning the kitchen… Getting the gunk off the dishes. Wiping down the countertops and sweeping the floors. Loading and emptying the dishwasher. Nothing about any of that is fun for me. … But I love the resu…
 
Last week, New York Times bestselling author, Rachel Hollis, and her husband announced they are getting a divorce. Why should you care? Because whether you follow, admire, or even know who the Hollises are, there are some lessons to be learned in their failed relationship that could help you avoid their same fate. Rachel and Dave are arguably the m…
 
A few weeks ago I had to get to an important appointment. Lots of important people were at this meeting. They couldn’t have it without me. I was nervous. Wanted to make a good impression. Maybe even impress some people I really admired. I got in my car, drove out of the suburbs where I live, and got on the freeway only to realize… … it was COMPLETE…
 
I almost died rafting the snake river. Six other friend and I were paddling down the river when we got caught in an unexpected current created by a tight bend in the river. Our little raft slammed into the base of a cliff. The boat flipped. Bodies and oars went flying. Our river guide (who was not wearing a helmet) slammed his head against the rock…
 
The other day I came home from work. I walked in the door and saw my wife on her phone at the table. “Hey honey, how did your day go today?!” She looked up at me with a hurt expression on her face. She told me how she felt judged and micromanaged. She felt like she was failing as a wife. She felt like she could never live up to my expectations. I w…
 
Growing up, I believed a horrible lie. I had this idea that when I got married, my life would revolve around my wife, her needs, her wants, and her dreams. And her life would revolve around mine. We would travel together… Pursue hobbies together… Clean the house together… Watch shows together... Raise kids together... Basically, we would do everyth…
 
I’m not much of a sports guy, but I’m LOVE learning about people who are the very best at what they do. So over the last few weeks, I’ve been binging Michael Jordan’s new documentary, “The Last Dance.” In 1993, Jordan retired from Basketball and went to play Double-A baseball. The world was shocked. He was the best player in the world! He had just …
 
Did you know there are TWO types of anxiety? (By the way, there’s a difference between feeling anxious and having an anxiety disorder. This email is about the common, everyday experience of feeling anxious. I just want to make sure we don’t trivialize a mental health disorder that can be really challenging to deal with… ok, onwards.) Your brain cre…
 
“My husband and I have been going to therapy off and on for over a decade. We made more progress in our marriage during the Epic Wives Experiment than we ever did during our time in counseling.” Over 500 women have gone through the , and I’ve literally spent hours sitting at my computer overwhelmed with emotion as I read the breakthroughs, testimon…
 
“It’s the little things done often that make the difference.” This is my favorite quote from the world’s most notable marriage researcher, Dr. John Gottman. It’s easy to dismiss the quote as a great soundbite and miss all the wisdom that’s packed into it. So I want to spend a minute and tell you how this quote can change your life. Most people want…
 
“5. 4. 3. 2. 1. 0. All engine running… Liftoff! We have a liftoff!” In the summer of 1969, Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldren, and Michael Collins were strapped to the tip of a rocket containing over 500,000 pounds of fuel, staring at the sky. The burners had been lit, and the rocket catapulted them towards a mission that had never been accomplished befor…
 
A reader reached out to me a few weeks ago. “My husband hasn’t talked to me in 3 days. We had an argument, and he just shut me out. Is that normal? I want to talk about it… but maybe he still needs time to process. Maybe I just need to lower my expectations.” If I had a dollar for every time I had someone talk about how low expectations are the key…
 
Gerritt was working long hours as a police officer. The job was intense and stressful. He’d come home at the end of the day exhausted after a long 13-hour shift, dealing with criminals and paperwork. He’d walk through the door, and it often felt like he was just met with a to-do list from his wife. He could tell his kids were growing more and more …
 
I saw another heartbreaking announcement on my Facebook feed a few weeks ago. “If you haven’t heard yet, my partner and I are getting a divorce…” This couple had been married for over a decade. They had multiple children together. The news, as it almost always is, was heartbreaking. For many divorce can seem to come completely out of nowhere. For o…
 
Are you a problem-solver? When your partner gets upset or frustrated, or you get in a little tiff, do you go right into solution-finding mode? If you are, welcome to the club. I, also, am a problem-solver. It’s hard to beat that feeling when you can make an annoying problem disappear. Unfortunately, our amazing problem-solving skills can be terribl…
 
Today I want to teach you the most important lesson I know. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words in my past emails and courses. I’ve probably said millions more words in my podcasts. And don’t get me wrong, those lessons are all pretty good (if I do say so myself). But they don’t mean jack squat without the lesson I teach in today’s podcast.…
 
I’m not a math guy. It’s a lot like folding laundry. I’m not bad at it, but I don’t enjoy it… like at all. But there’s one math formula I can get behind. It’s called the “Magic Ratio.” (Listen to today’s podcast on the Magic Ratio here!) If your ratio is on point, your marriage is almost guaranteed to be amazeballs. If your ratio sucks, so does you…
 
What would you do if you had to stand up and speak in front of 6,000 people without notice? Yeah... that happened to me a few weeks ago. I was at a conference, and the speaker, a very intimidating guy named Garrett White went out into the audience to do some coaching. (Save some veiny muscles for the rest of us, Garrett. Sheesh…) Anyway… I’m sittin…
 
Two years ago I hosted the first ever . Hundreds of people showed up to hear some of my favorite relationship experts speak for a few hours. At the very end of the event we did a powerful activity. We had the entire audience stand up and dance to an amazing, upbeat song. They got their hearts pumping, and their adrenaline going. Then, we cut the mu…
 
I want to tell you about this thing my wife does that gets me completely addicted to loving her. It gets me to turn off my phone and help around the house, be more empathetic and emotionally supportive, kiss her passionately every day, and buy her flowers, pick up her favorite drink from the store, and write her love notes. Sounds pretty magical, r…
 
Monica Tanner is the host of the "On The Brighter Side" podcast. She recently interviewed me for her , and it was a blast. Her passion for marriage is infectious, so I thought I'd have her on to tell you what she learned interviewing some of the top marriage experts around! Bonus? She's about to launch a 14-day "" You should check it out!…
 
Pearson’s Law states: “When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported back, the rate of improvement accelerates.” We see people tracking, measuring, and improving their performance in business. We see it happening in sports. We even see it in government… although whether or not improvement accelerates …
 
I just got back from the gym. Today’s workout was TOUGH. My legs are wobbly. My lungs are burning. I have sweat dripping down my back. And I’m THIRSTY! Sometimes I forget my water bottle when I go to they gym. I leave feeling like my mouth is a desert and my tongue is sandpaper. Have you ever felt that way? It’s like the only thing you can think of…
 
1. You don’t know how to find a good therapist When you’re struggling in life with your mental health, with past trauma, or in your relationships, it’s normal to hear the advice, “You should go talk to someone.” The implication is that a therapist - any therapist can help. But searching for a good therapist is a lot like searching for a good doctor…
 
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