#62 - How Over-Giving Damages Intimacy (Women’s Episode)

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By Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW, Vicki Tidwell Palmer, and LCSW. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

This first episode of the month is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. We'll talk about over-giving and how it can damage intimacy in relationships between women and men. Vicki gives us 5 ways ways over-giving can damage intimacy. Tune in!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #62:

  • Men and women are totally different animals, so to speak, so it's unhelpful to assume they see the world the same way.
  • Almost 70% of women initiate divorce in heterosexual relationships.
  • Women have a habit of over-giving, and that can cause resentments.
  • Over-giving can cause a woman to feel like her partner's mother, which is definitely intimacy-destroying, especially in the bedroom.
  • If you feel resentment about helping or giving, then don't do it.
  • Listen for a direct, explicit question asking for help from your partner, rather than jumping in to assist.

Highlights from Episode #62:

  • Welcome back to the show! Today’s episode is dedicated to women and boundaries — specifically how over-giving sabotages intimacy in relationships with men. [01:14]
  • Vicki clarifies she's speaking primarily about heterosexual relationships but gay and lesbian relationships may be impacted in similar ways, depending on the masculine/feminine polarity in their relationship. [01:30]
  • In the simplest terms, boundaries are about staying on your side of the street. [01:52]
  • Have you ever gone further than you intended to go when helping someone? [02:29]
  • In relationships women tend to want to be heard [04:31]
  • There is a clear gender difference in terms of who initiates couples therapy and even divorce. [06:35]
  • A 2009 - 2015 study showed that almost 70% of women in heterosexual relationships initiated divorce. [07:15]
  • When women give advice to a man, it can damage intimacy. [09:04]
  • A man will tend to look for ways to be a hero to the woman he loves. [09:46]
  • Women have a habit of over-giving, and when they do they wind up with resentments. [14:24]
  • If a man feels like he can never please you or get it right, he may withdraw or put up walls. [16:23]
  • When your husband perceives you as a mother, that can definitely cause intimacy issues. [18:44]
  • Vicki says instead of over-giving you can pay attention to your self care, and don’t give or help unless you can do so without a cost to you. [20:43]
  • Notice your thoughts when you are tempted to give or help — if you feel resentful you probably should decline giving help. [21:59]
  • Look for a direct or explicit question to determine if your male partner truly wants your help. [25:24]
  • Go back and listen to episodes 34 and 45 about over giving if you would like more information on this topic. [26:59]

Links and Resources:

116 episodes