#65 - Giving Unsolicited Advice, Take 2

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By Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW, Vicki Tidwell Palmer, and LCSW. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

If you're feeling a bit unclear about whether or not you're giving unsolicited feedback or advice, today's episode is going to give you the clarity you need. Vicki talks about one sure-fire way to know you're not giving unsolicited advice, why you should avoid offering feedback when it's not requested, and how we can fall into the trap of giving feedback when what we really want to do is control another person. Tune in!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #65:

  • Giving unsolicited advice even when you think you're being helpful can cause disconnection with friends and loved ones, and can even be offensive.
  • Keep your side of the street clean in conversations by paying attention to how you're feeling, and whether or not you're invested in the outcome of the conversation or changing the other person's opinion.
  • For the most part, it's best not to offer teenager or young adults advice unless you ask them first whether or not they want to receive it.
  • The best way to maintain healthy connections with important people in your life by hearing and supporting them. Unsolicited advice tends to damage emotional safety in relationships.

Highlights from Episode #65:

  • Welcome back to the show! [00:44]
  • Today is Part 2 of Episode #46 on giving unsolicited advice or feedback. [01:19]
  • Vicki starts by defining advice. [02:33]
  • We often give advice to people we love without realizing we're doing it. [03:19]
  • Unsolicited advice is never relational. [03:56]
  • Giving advice without being asked for it can be offensive. [04:21]
  • How to know when you're in the unwanted advice "danger zone." [07:24]
  • If you think you have valuable information for another person you can let them know you would be happy to share with them if they would like to hear it. [09:27]
  • To keep your side of the street clean, notice how invested you're feeling about changing the other person's mind or getting them to take a particular action. [11:42]
  • Is asking clarifying questions a form of unsolicited feedback? [13:28]
  • Is it okay to give advice or feedback to someone if you're afraid something dangerous might happen if you don't? [16:26]
  • Adults have a right to make decisions that about how they take care of themselves and their children. We don't have to agree with their decisions, but they have a right to make them. [19:05]
  • Is it okay to give unwanted advice or feedback to your teenagers or young adult children? [24:05]
  • You can maintain healthy connections with the important people in your life by hearing and supporting them without care-taking or give unsolicited advice or feedback. [27:51]

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