#73 - Boundaries Quick Tips Episode #11: Finding Your "I Can't"

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By Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW, Vicki Tidwell Palmer, and LCSW. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

As you’ll hear in my voice, I’ve been under the weather lately. This quick tips episode is partially inspired by my recent experiences while sick, when I’ve had plenty of opportunities to say “I can’t.” As you’ll learn today, expressing your “I can’t” is the best choice not only for you, but also everyone who you want to have a close, intimate relationship with. If you’re confused or intrigued by the idea, or struggle with saying “no” or “I can’t,” don’t miss this episode!

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #73:

  • Saying “I can’t” is a form of saying “no,” but it’s often the preferable version because the person on the receiving end may be able to take it in more easily than a "no".
  • When you’re not feeling well or are injured, you will almost always find your “I can’t” because you literally can't do what you committed to (or what someone wants or expects you to do).
  • The rest of the time, it’s not as easy to identify the “I can’t” or “no,” and it’s even harder to express it.
  • There are three situations in which it's imperative to find your “I can’t”:
    • When saying “yes” will cause you to feel distressed or uncomfortable.
    • To avoid resentment.
    • When saying yes would eventually cause disconnection between you and the person who made a request of you.

Highlights from Episode #73:

  • Vicki has been suffering from the flu, so this is a quick tips episode. Tune in to learn about finding your “I can’t.” [00:39]
  • When you’re sick, it’s easier to find your “I can’t,” Vicki explains. She then digs into the option of using “I can’t” instead of “no.” [01:35]
  • We learn about the first of the three primary reasons why it’s important to find your “I can’t.” [03:03]
  • Vicki digs into the second reason, explaining the value of saying “I can’t” rather than choosing something that causes you resentment. [06:58]
  • The third reason involves staying connected with the person who made the request. [08:47]
  • Vicki recaps the main points that she has covered in this episode. [10:35]

Links and Resources:

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