#79 - Boundaries Quick Tips Episode #12: What's In Your Circle of Control?

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By Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW, Vicki Tidwell Palmer, and LCSW. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

There’s a simple reason that this episode on what's in our circle of control is a quick tips episode: our circle of control is pretty tiny! But confusion about what’s inside and outside of that circle is at the heart of many questions I get from listeners so the topic is worth reviewing. Tune in to learn how to stay in your own lane, and what to ask yourself when you're tempted to control.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #79:

  • Our circle of control includes what we have the power to make happen on our own. This means what we can say, where we can go, and what we can do.
  • Most of us wish that our circle of control were much larger. You might find yourself feeling frustrated that your circle of control is much smaller than you’d like it to be.
  • Some examples of things that are outside of your circle of control include what your partner consumes or wears, how your partner drives, what other people think or how they feel, how much time a sibling spends with your parents, or how your spouse manages an addiction.
  • When you leave your circle of control, you move into controlling others. This means two things will likely happen: you’ll be frustrated, and you’ll create friction and disconnection with the other person.

Highlights from Episode #79:

  • Vicki welcomes listeners to a quick tips episode about what’s in your circle of control. [00:39]
  • We hear some examples of things that lie outside of our circle of control. [02:35]
  • Next, we learn what is within our circle of control, which is what we’re able to do or accomplish on our own. [05:46]
  • What happens if you go outside of your circle of control? [07:21]
  • Vicki talks about what to do when you’re tempted to try to control someone else, and discusses four questions to ask yourself (from the work of Laura Doyle) when you want to leave your circle of control. [09:18]
  • Trying to get your spouse to change a long-standing pattern or habit that is not truly a serious issue, usually causes disconnection or a loss of intimacy. [14:08]
  • Vicki recaps the four questions that she has been talking about in depth. She also talks about what we can do when something is outside of our control. [16:17]

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