#91 - Are Boundaries Optional?

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By Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW, Vicki Tidwell Palmer, and LCSW. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

Last week, I had a totally new realization about a new boundaries framework. I stumbled on another way to conceptualize the way we experience boundaries or limits, and that’s what I want to share with you today. This is all about the hierarchy of boundaries, and whether or not boundaries are optional. Do some of us get a pass on boundaries, or get to decide that boundaries don’t apply? Tune in as I talk about anyone is “above the law” as it comes to boundaries.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #91:

  • The hierarchy of boundaries has six levels. In order, these are: personal limits, relationship limits, limits we create with other people with agreement, rules or regulations, laws, and universal laws.
  • The first two levels are all about boundaries that you have the power to create as you navigate your relationships with other people (or yourself). Both of these boundaries are ones where you have control.
  • The next two levels involve agreements with other people. In the third level, you have the power to make an agreement with someone else; in the fourth, you make your choice to be subject to rules and regulations by choosing to be part of an organization or community.
  • Violating the boundaries in the fifth level, laws, can carry serious consequences, even up to losing your life if you’re sentenced to the death penalty. The sixth level is the level at which none of can escape the consequences of boundaries or limits.

Highlights from Episode #91:

  • Vicki welcomes listeners to the episode, and introduces this week’s topic. [00:39]
  • There is a hierarchy of the way that we experience limits, Vicki explains, and briefly introduces the six levels. [02:37]
  • We hear about the first and second levels of the hierarchy in more depth. [05:13]
  • The third level is about creating boundaries by agreement with other people. [08:27]
  • The next level of the hierarchy involves rules and regulations of organizations or communities. [11:15]
  • The fifth level involves laws created by nations or states. [13:01]
  • Vicki gives examples of situations where someone may escalate through the levels of boundaries. [14:53]
  • We learn about the final level in the hierarchy of limits, which is universal laws like gravity, time, and viruses like COVID-19. [17:24]

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