#97 - Quick Tips #14: For Clarity, Check It Out!

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By Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW, Vicki Tidwell Palmer, and LCSW. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.

Last week’s episode was a marathon, so I'm going to balance it out this week with a quick tips episode. This one was inspired by a listener’s question that came from a miscommunication around something I said about children having the right to choose their friends. The miscommunication brings up a broader point about checking things out, which I want to explore as a relational tool.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #97:

  • Young children do not get to decide who their friends are. When I said in a prior episode that children decide who their friends are, I was referring to children as they get into their teen years, as well adult children. As parents, it’s our responsibility to protect and hold boundaries for our young children.
  • When we hear someone say something, or even hear secondhand about something someone said, we often believe that is what they actually said, when often that is not the case.
  • When you hear something that causes a large internal negative reaction, check it out with the other person. This means saying, “This is what I heard you say. Did I hear you right? Did you really mean it that way?”
  • This method of checking out what someone said is also another option for how to respond to bait.

Highlights from Episode #97:

  • Vicki welcomes listeners to today’s episode, and shares the question from a listener that inspired it. [00:39]
  • Young children don’t get to decide who their friends are, Vicki clarifies. [02:51]
  • We hear about the bigger issue of checking things out. [06:46]
  • Vicki shares a recent personal example of a case where she had the opportunity to check out something she was told. [09:29]
  • Checking out something that you’ve heard is a quick relational tool and can be a helpful response when you’re feeling baited. [11:53]

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