S3: Ep. 93: Is it okay to be you in the world? A Disruptive Conversations with Dan Doty.


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By Keita Demming. Discovered by Player FM and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not Player FM, and audio is streamed directly from their servers. Hit the Subscribe button to track updates in Player FM, or paste the feed URL into other podcast apps.
Dan Doty describes himself as a father, husband, entrepreneur and outdoorsman. He is the co-founder of Everyman. A global organization that brings men together to learn and practice emotional skill sets. Men too can learn to be in touch with the vulnerable parts of life. They can learn to express as fully as possible.
This conversation with Dan was an inspiring one. Here are a few of the things that stood out for me.
It stops with me.
Perhaps the most powerful thing I took away from this conversation is that more and more men are saying no. They are saying that no exploring the full spectrum of masculinity stops with me. This is a powerful statement and undercurrent to notice. I love this as a potential movement that we may see in the world.
Society has gap in it defines and prescribe masculinity.
The make experience ought not to be defined or prescribed too narrowly. Masculinity should explore the full spectrum of human emotions. What does it mean to be a man? Although there seem to be many groups grappling with this question. Dan’s work seems to be one of gaining significant traction. We explore how so few men had fathers who were present during their childhood. We talk about what it means to be a good husband. The time has come for men to explore the full spectrum of the human experience. Talk about ‘girly’ stuff. To broaden the definition of what it means to be a man.
A different way is possible.
In this episode, Dan tells the story of attending his first men’s group. Past podcast guests have described similar experiences of being introduced into another world. It makes me wonder about the role of experience in our journey. How not knowing there was another way limits the choices we make. I love that he and I explore this question throughout the episode.
Meditation and outdoors
When I asked Dan about the best lessons he ever learned, he talked about mediation and being outdoors. I could not help be see the obvious connection. Using being outdoors as a time to do active mediation. As someone sceptical about the role of meditation. It leaves me with questions. For example, what is the value of intentionally allowing your mind to rest?
We can find sanctuary wherever we are.
Dan describes how finding the men’s group gave him a similar experience to being outdoors. The idea that he did not have to get outdoors to find sanctuary. This is powerful. It reminds us that we can use the resources we have access to. This may sound like a simple insight, but it is profound.
What does it mean to be married to a mother?
Since becoming a father, the question, “What does it mean to be married to a mother?”, has sat with me. In response, a friend asked, “What is like for your wife to be married to a father?” The mirror question had not crossed my mind. So, “What does it mean to be married to a father?” In one action, my identify changed, and so too did my wife’s. I had been so focused on supporting my family. I had not thought about how my needs. How have my needs changed since becoming a father? What does this new me want? What are his hopes, dreams, and desires? These are all new questions for me to sit with and explore.
What would we notice if masculinity was healthier?
Dan pointed out to me that men who had supportive families are rare. He also noticed that perhaps adults who had parents who were happily married are also rare. So what would it be like to live in a world where neither of these was rare? I loved this question as a place to land in my conversation with Dan. I have no answers. I do enjoy that I get to sit with these questions.

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